Over the Edge?

By Harold Brumbaum

In a church as unsettled as ours, a fair number of clergy are finding it hard to keep their bearings, sometimes to the point of self-destructive behavior, vocational misgivings, or a stifling sense of malaise. Because of this, many a diocese has set up a clergy "wellness" program, which, if not always able to rescue those who have already gone over the edge, aspires to keep the rest from following them. And here, to contribute to that cause, is a handful of tips which, over 40 years' ministry, have helped one priest retain such measure of well-being (not to say sanity) as he may have still have. Most of those lessons he had to learn the hard way, because, if memory serves, in briefing ordinands his bishop contented himself with discouraging the habit of chewing gum.

1. Take yourself with a grain of salt.

However lofty your perch, account yourself no better than a toenail on the body of Christ. If that ignoble bit of anatomy is often dismissed as atavistic and useless (as, in secular circles, the clergy sometimes are), better that, after all, than being a bunion. To judge from what Jesus taught his disciples, the noblest of roles is the most selfless one, that of a servant or deacon - from whose ranks, still green to your calling, you were probably once eager to graduate. And whatever the weight of your office, regard yourself lightly. You are a deacon, a bishop, or priest: Duly honor that mantle. But also stand amazed, and bemused, that you, a mere biped, have been called to such an exalted place in God's plan for redeeming the cosmos.

2. Don't let Big Brother get you down.

While the church wrestles over such matters as organizational style (decentralizing is in; downsizing has already been accomplished), keep those tussles in proper perspective. Remember that the church primarily lives where the clergy abide with their people in the presence of their Lord. In this respect, the fortunes of its higher echelons - the diocese, the national church - are of secondary consequence: The primary value of a dairy farm, after all, lies in its herd, on which all else, from milking machine to management, depends.

3. Don't be a slave to conventions.

In a church whose leaders have been known to hold (as Humpty-Dumpty once did about words) that the rules of the game mean "whatever they choose them to mean, neither more nor less," don't feel obliged to adhere to them either. If, for example, bishops elect to ignore their church's injunction against ordaining overtly noncelibate homosexuals, maintaining that it is right, in their case, to do so, local clergy need not fault themselves for neglecting to honor this pronouncement or that in turn, declining to deliver pastoral letters, for instance, when they consider them not worth the postage. Don't push this practice too far, however, or you could end up in another line of work.

4. Whistle while you work.

If saints are made by the grace of God, martyrs are produced by human hands - but don't let those hands be your own. Too often the clergy's lives are marred by self-reproach over things left undone. Rather than go to bed flailing yourself, beg God's pardon, then rest easy and consign those loose ends to Morpheus. For even God "rested on the seventh day for all the work which he had done" - though that work seems to be far from perfected still - and you should be content to accomplish somewhat less. So give yourself a break (in both senses) and look to your Lord, whose practice it was, in the days of his flesh, to withdraw from the fray to catch his breath between ordeals. But of course if you find yourself sitting around with nothing much to do, watch out lest the old wheeze be laid at your door that, turning God's work-ethic upside-down, the clergy earn their keep only one day a week.

5. Tote that barge; don't lift that bale.

Don't overmanage your enterprise. Unless, like Cerberus, you have been blessed with several heads, you are likely called on to wear more hats than you can accommodate. So pass some of them around. There are probably people at hand who will be glad to put them on. And when you farm the jobs out, convey an ample amount of authority with them, because the more able those people are, the less they will welcome a leash. But don't undermanage either, leaving the workforce bereft of your interest and support. Don't, that is, unless you want the operation to become a shambles the likes of which haven't often been seen since the Marx Brothers stopped making movies. Instead, take after the conductor who makes music by means of a silent baton, seeing to it that the orchestra plays according to plan - then saluting it for its labors.

6. Mind your manners.

When it comes to physical interactions, be circumspect. We Episcopalians, never widely known in the past for effusive behavior, have been granted a chance to live it up in the form of exchanging the Peace, which can on occasion become quite, well, huggy - a far cry indeed from the high school dance of time past where the chaperones warned couples not to let their torsos touch. But such displays of warm regard can be misconstrued by the recipients sometimes - or by the people they happen to be married to - and, one thing leading to another as it usually does, can give rise to anything but a peaceable situation. And since charges of exploitation and harassment are rampant nowadays, to the point that one can hesitate to greet a stranger, some of that oldtime Episcopalian reticence might still serve you well. (Note to the bird-brained: At the first flicker of an illicit flame, veer off. Better a moment of rupture than a lifetime of regret.)

7. Keep the home fires burning.

If some things going on in the church at large (or not going on there) are troublesome to you, persevere in spite of them, because it is the same church wherein you can keep on meeting your Maker, feeding your soul with nourishing fare, and touching base with the communion of saints, some of whom you may hold immensely dear - all the components, in short, of a spiritual home. If it should come to pass, however, that your airways become so clogged with institutional debris that such good things cease to occur, then yes, in good conscience seek them out elsewhere as you will, and godspeed. But remember that apart from the body a toenail is next to nothing at all.

8. To thine own self be true.

Be in earnest about your calling, but not too solemn - like those who conduct every service as if it were a funeral; nor too frivolous either - like those who do funerals as if they were trifling events. Don't fall into the trap of role play at all, since dissimulation can in time deface and even dismantle the person God chose to create. It can also be harmful to your health, for you will know yourself to be an imposter. Like it or not, as an ordained person you are an icon, so the question forever confronts you: What sort of god will your demeanor convey today? Simply try to be faithful to your better self, then - an approach to deportment which can be demanding enough, but which entails less work than play-acting does, in any case.

9. Sit loose in the saddle.

Don't take pride of ownership in the part of the church in your keeping, since, like a spouse, it is "yours" only so long as you cohabit. Keep in mind that you are merely an itinerant passing through: You brought nothing but yourself to your cure, and, parting from it as you finally must, you can take nothing but yourself, well stocked with memories, away. Though some of its members will depart before you do, moving away, disaffected, claimed by death, your time too will come, and finally the congregation alone survives. Like a loss in the family, your departure, when it occurs, may occasion here grief, there relief. But once gone, stay gone, even if it means relinquishing some part of your identity. Don't be a ghost from the past whose wont it is to stalk the place. Your successor will have ghosts enough to lay to rest before becoming one in turn.

10. Settle for less.

We end the list, as Moses did, with "You shall not covet" on its face, a modest admonition, but in fact a potent one. The clergy have ample occasion to succumb to that disorder, if only because their parishioners often have more money than they do and, accordingly, more toys to play with. Or, just as in Moses' time, they may take a fancy to their neighbor's spouse. But the problem can exist among colleagues, too, as when assistants thirst after the rector's job. This is bad news for everyone, since covetousness, which is born of dissatisfaction with one's own lot, simply enhances that problem in that it can lead to resentment of others for their good luck and to self-disdain for one's lack of it. The remedy? Perhaps to contemplate the parable of the Rich Fool.

On these commandments hang, if not the law and the prophets, some field-tested keys to vocational good health - a list which clergy are invited to revise or improve upon to their taste. But this writer does know whereof he speaks, because, truth to tell, every one of the preceding paragraphs constitutes a little confession or memoir of what befell him across the years.

The Rev. Harold R. Brumbaum is a retired priest who is a frequent contributor to TLC. He resides in Nicasio, Calif.