by Brian C. Taylor

In many of our parishes these days, children are included in at least some of our eucharistic worship. Gone seems to be the days when boys and girls dressed up in suits and dresses and behaved like good little men and women. We're more relaxed, and our worship is more inclusive of different folks, including children. But sometimes it seems they are taking over the worship, talking, fidgeting, wiggling, and otherwise making themselves right at home!

Some churches will accommodate themselves to this reality. Others will keep children out of sight and out of mind. Others will install a parental police state, and still others will attempt to do what we at St. Michael and All Angels in Albuquerque are doing: accept them as children and also have some clear expectations about worship behavior. In other words, teach children how to worship.

Children are a blessing and a joy (as my neighbor with multitudes of children and grandchildren said once, "Kids is Life!"). As a delightful (and large) part of God's creation, they belong in worship. Jesus made this clear when the disciples wanted to quiet them and keep them away: "Let the children come to me ... for to such belongs the kingdom of God" (Matt. 19:14).

Those of us who want children to be little adults have got to open our hearts to their childish liveliness, accept them as they are, and examine some of our own rigidity about what it means to pray.

Having said that, it is also true that parents and other members of the church have a responsibility to teach children how to worship in a predominantly adult environment. Children don't have to be noisy and restless in worship. Here are some tips I've gleaned from parents, other articles on the subject, and my own experience.

1. Explain ahead of time the difference between worship and other kinds of gatherings, and what is expected. During worship is not a good time to discipline. Afterwards, praise children or give them rewards when they do what is right, and talk about misbehavior.

2. Restlessness often comes out of boredom. Children will pay attention if they know more and are trained to notice more. Teach them about the vestments, colors, seasons, breaking of the bread, the presence of Christ, how to cross themselves, how to follow along in the prayer book and hymnal, etc. Keep children focused on the action. It helps to sit where the children can see. When they ask about or comment on what's going on, teach them to ask in a whisper, and answer them in a whisper.

3. Give children the options of sitting on your lap, on the pew next to you, or on the kneeler. Sometimes they need to change positions, but make it clear that charging around, standing on the pews, jumping up and down, etc. are not options.

4. Feel free to leave by the side aisles and take children to the nursery if they are crying or having a hard time behaving. You will only give them a negative association with worship if you angrily insist on conformity at these times. They will learn that these are the only two options: the nursery or quiet participation in worship.

5. Bring paper and pencil, special books about God/Jesus/church, or noiseless toys if they need some distraction. Don't let them play with keys or other noisy objects.

6. Be affectionate during worship, so they associate church with a positive, loving experience.

7. Relax, be patient and forgiving. Consistent clarity about expectations, education, liturgical repetition, involvement and affection will help children to worship. And remember that when all is said and done, they belong in the church as they are. They are as much a part of the church community as anyone else.

The Rev. Brian C. Taylor is rector of St. Michael and All Angels' Church, Albuquerque, N.M.