By Timothy E. Schenck

The apostrophe question. It’s impossible to be rector of a church named “All Saints” without becoming preoccupied with this oft-misused grammatical tool. There are undoubtedly greater issues facing the Episcopal Church. Like, oh, the future of the Anglican Communion and global poverty. But the proper use of our parish name does matter. Is it All Saints’, All Saint’s or (ignoring the matter altogether) All Saints? I’ve seen all of these. Sometimes on the same parish website.

I’ve been reflecting upon this as I’ve finally read Lynne Truss’s best-selling book, Eats, Shoots & Leaves. If you’re not familiar with the book, it’s a humorous romp through the uses and abuses of punctuation. And thanks to Ms. Truss, I’ve come to accept my “inner stickler,” that part that cringes whenever we encounter the public misuse of things grammatical. Signs like “Hot Dog’s $2” or “Thank God Its Friday.”

My obsession with such matters may be the writer in me. But, as with most issues concerning the human psyche, I blame my mother. She possesses that lethal combination of being outspoken and an English major. So I spent a tortured childhood being embarrassed whenever she would call over a waiter to protest the menu’s misspelling of “Créme Brülèe (sic).” When it comes to grammatical righteous indignation, I’ve become my mother. Though I tend to stew in silence or correct the menu myself, rather than invite blank stares from the wait staff.

But back to the question at hand. Why did I insist on changing the letterhead and adding the apostrophe to our exterior sign when I was called as rector three years ago? Because All Saints’ (with the apostrophe after the ‘s’) is grammatically correct. And the rector, as the parish’s chief pastor and resident grammarian, must take ultimate responsibility.

Let’s examine the three alternatives:

All Saints’ Church: It is the church of all the saints. We honor them by naming the church for them and recognize that it is ultimately their church.

All Saints Church: On the surface, this looks fine. It’s neat and tidy; no apostrophe, no confusion. But it’s the grammatical equivalent of conflict avoidance. And it’s wrong. It’s the same as saying “Hot Bagels Church.” All Saints or Hot Bagels become the name of the church itself, which honors neither saints nor bagels.

All Saint’s Church: This version makes no sense. The singular possessive would mean the church belongs to someone named All Saint. This is generally used by people who know an apostrophe belongs somewhere but haven’t a clue where.

Hardcore grammarians might offer a fourth option: All Saints’s Church. This unsightly version may hold grammatical water (some punctuation manuals call for this approach to possessive proper names ending in “s”) but it makes you want to avert your eyes. Or stutter.

This entire issue transcends the local parish. The same conundrum arises each November 1. We celebrate All Saints’ Day because it is a day to remember all the saints. It is their day, which is why we use the plural possessive form. Any other form fails to convey the totality of this major feast day. A day when many parishes have baptisms but no priest performs baptism’s. And don’t get me started on All Souls’ Day.

The Church’s punctuation dilemma doesn’t just affect parish names. Punctuation also has a dramatic effect upon our liturgy. For instance, the words of institution in the service of Holy Eucharist, Rite I read, “Drink ye all of this: for this is my Blood of the New Testament, which is shed for you, and for many, for the remission of sins.” The curious placement of the colon highlights the reason for drinking from the chalice – because it is Christ’s blood which was shed for us for the remission of sins. That’s clear. But what about the first phrase? It could either mean, “all of you, drink this” or “all of you, drink all of this.”

Depending upon how much wine is consecrated, the second option could pose a problem. So, where the priest pauses and whatever punctuation is included or omitted, can alter the meaning of the passage. Which underscores the original use of punctuation, according to Ms. Truss: guiding the proper oral proclamation of scripture.

Other grammatical ramifications abound. I can’t say I’m disappointed the Episcopal Church dumped the slogan, “We’re here for you.” Aside from sounding like the tag line for an insurance company, it opened the way to grammatical and spiritual isolationism. I could envision a newcomer showing up and seeing “Were here for you” and leaving in disgust. We were here for you but not anymore. Sorry.

So why does this grammatical minutia matter? Maybe it doesn’t. Entrance into the kingdom of heaven doesn’t depend upon Pharisaic grammar rules. The well-known prayer book collect (and I don’t believe any collect is valid unless it contains a colon, semi-colon or both) that calls upon us to “Read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest” scripture doesn’t say “mark up.” But a certain amount of copy editing keeps things “decently and in good order.” And if our major charge as Christians is to communicate the gospel of Christ, we must be armed with the appropriate tools of communication. Clarity is the hallmark of good punctuation. Anything less makes us look foolish. And who knows? Perhaps all the saints in heaven and on earth will rejoice at the eradication of Christendom’s misplaced apostrophes.

The Rev. Timothy E. Schenck is the rector of All Saints’ Church, Briarcliff Manor, N.Y.

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