According to the Rev. Charles N. Fulton III, The Episcopal Church’s director of congregational development, the average age of an Episcopalian is estimated to be 57 years old. The future of our denomination is dependent upon us lowering that number substantially. One proven way to attract younger members is to create a service that is more in tune with them and their young children. In church parlance this is often referred to as a “third service” or “family service.” This approach has both merits and pitfalls.

St. Paul’s Church, Alexandria, Va., had an incredible reputation in the Mid-Atlantic area in the early ’90s. Many people had told me that it was the only nonevangelical church in the Diocese of Virginia that was growing dramatically.

Since church growth was a passion of mine, I applied to be the rector’s third ordained assistant. By the grace of God I was called and found that one of the keys to St. Paul’s success was, in part, the addition of a third service, in between its 8 and 10 a.m. services. In fact, the 10 had to be moved to 11 a.m. to accommodate the new 9:15 service. This also allowed St. Paul’s the chance to offer a common education hour when children and adults could attend Christian education classes.

The rector, the Rev. Geoffrey Hoare, explained that it was a difficult job convincing some in the church that this service was a good idea. One veteran parishioner said, “We’ve had a 10 o’clock service since 1820, and we sure as heck aren’t changing now!” But the rector persisted, knowing that there were many young families in the community that weren’t attracted by the Rite I 8 a.m. service, nor were they fed by the very traditional Rite II, 1982 hymnal service at 10. If St. Paul’s was to grow, the rector reasoned, it must have a new family service between the others.

When I arrived, the pastoral work had been done and the large crowds at the 9:15 service convinced many that it was a good idea. The service featured kid-friendly hymns from The Hymnal 1982 and both an adult homily as well as a children’s version of the same. Soon we found loyal 10 o’clockers slipping into the back of the church during the family service. When asked, they would often say, tongue in cheek, that they understood the sermons better at that service.

My next call took me to another diocese. While attending a clergy conference, I was approached by a fellow rector who said, “I am thinking of adding a third service and I understand that you have some experience with a 9 a.m. family service.” I told him that was true and we spent the next few breaks discussing the introduction of a third service at his church. I shared with him all that I could think of and sent him on his way. I promised myself that I’d check in with him periodically to see how he was doing.

Ironically, I was called to a parish in California that already had a third service, wedged tightly in between the 8 and 10. But I considered myself fortunate that I wouldn’t have to hear from veteran parishioners about how many years there had been a 10 o’clock service at their church. Thanks to a very talented director of Christian education, Sally Mancini, our 9 a.m. service, though not well attended, was state-of-the-art modern liturgy. Virtually every dimension of the service reflected the latest in research in childhood development.

For example, when the bishop challenged us to add a confession to the service, we bought a few hundred polished stones, and when they arrived we gave one to each parishioner. When it came time for the confession, I asked them to: 1. hold the stone up to their hearts; 2. think of all the bad things that they did that past week; and 3. then squeeze them into their stones. Then the people came forward, gently placed their stones in a translucent bowl, and when everyone had deposited their rocks, I poured holy water over them, saying a prayer forgiving them of their sins. Even the youngest members could see the powerful imagery.

Within a few months of my arrival, the service began to grow rapidly. It was the kind of growth clergy love. Most of our newcomers came on the elbows of existing members. People loved the service so much that they invited their friends to join them. People were telling us that our family service was growing because we were the only church they investigated that didn’t say “send your kids to the nursery and you go sit in there without them.” We offered them a worship service where every member of their family could participate together. Monday through Saturday they were without their kids, but on Sunday morning at our church it was different.

Then came disaster: Our family service at 9 drew more people at Easter than our so-called “main Service” at 10. Shock waves reverberated through the parish. Long-time members began to worry. Would the rector spend more time with these new families? Would the tail start wagging the dog? Would these young upstarts run for the vestry and take over our church? I describe this as a disaster because I didn’t hear the fears and concerns right away. I was just doing what I thought Christ wanted me to do — grow his church — and I couldn’t imagine anyone not loving our moving service.

Checking back with my clergy colleague, I learned that some in his parish were highly critical of their new, family service. Like ours, attendance grew rapidly. The old-timers complained constantly about the interlopers that were invading their colonial church. They thought of the family service as Christian-Lite. They couldn’t see it as modern, liturgical evolution. They didn’t see the attendees of this service as the next generation’s vestry members. They only saw the service as a threat to the very traditional status quo.

Most “third” services are crafted by a rector and liturgy committee who seek to create a liturgy that is accessible to young children and their parents. Including 18th-century hymns, long adult sermons and archaic language (thou shalt vouchsafe to bless...) is not a way to reach out to young adults and children and bring them into our church. The best way is to create a family-friendly service that features age-appropriate variations. And using the rubric that it is better to add than to change, adding a third service can be the best way to reach out to the younger community and lower that average age by decades. ❏

The Rev. Robert M. Ross is chaplain at Wooster School in Danbury, Conn.

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